There’s a dictionary definition of aloof that includes an example of using the word which says it all : “Because of his shyness, [or you can put introvertedness here] he had the reputation of being aloof.” Most introverts think things through – more often and for a longer period of time. This aloof label is an evaluation that people make because of the outward appearance of something happening that really is different. Marti Laney, in The Introvert Advantage, says it best:

“Introverts are thoughtful, imaginative, tend to work independently and think outside the box. Introverts are keen observers and sensitive listeners. Introverts prefer to be involved intimately with one person and are often drawn to life’s spiritual side. Introverts are not antisocial, shy, or aloof.”

People see the contemplation and quietness for what it is only on the outside and so, they call us aloof. The truth is, as introverts, when we appear aloof, inside us is that quiet or contemplative state.

The video message here …

will be particularly of interest if you are an introvert, seeking a job. How do you allow yourself to be you, but also appear more friendly?

How do you know the difference between shy and introvert?

People who are shy often feel anxious or nervous around other people – it’s a reaction to what’s going on outside the person who could be either an introvert or extrovert.

People who are more introverted, aren’t shy or nervous they just choose when to be around other people and how much. It’s because their internal energy setting controls an actual need to be alone.

Listen to Carducci’s everyday example of how to know the difference in the video.

Is this helpful in knowing the difference between shy and introvert?

Since we get energy from internally, we just don’t go on and on in conversations, in particular conversations with a good deal of small talk. As an introvert I’m choosy about my friends and tend to gravitate to ones can hang in with a deep intellectual, interesting or even controversial conversation. My energy levels drop if I have to stay too long in chit chat.

The video has a different message explaining how it is that a husband and wife in sales – one the extrovert (my husband), one the introvert (me)- and both seemingly social butterflies in their own way.

Are some introverts anti-social? Maybe; you might call them a loner. But then again, I bet you have also seen anti-social extroverts.

Let’s drop the labels. Why do people say introverts are anti-social: because we do social differently. That’s really all it is.

What’s your experience as an introvert who might have been (or even still is) labeled anti-social?

Did you know that introvert and extrovert, the words, are actually verbs too? Yes; we introvert and extrovert, all day long. That being the case, neither is better than the other. It’s simply action. At work or in your life at times we find ourselves – researching, planning, writing, editing – all introverting actions. At other times we will be – making a presentation, attending a business event, entertaining friends at home, speaking to a group – all extroverting actions. The list can go on: introverting includes reading, gardening, thinking, listening; extroverting includes sports games, traveling with others, group discussions.

Introvert actions are usually done by oneself while extroverting includes others.

We have a preference along the continuum that is occurring all day long. I blogged about this on a previous post, Introvert Meets Extrovert in the Workplace . We have that preference because it is an innate brain preference which directs where on the continuum of these actions we will have the most energy and stamina in those actions.

Does this make sense? Where is your preference on the continuum? If you know with certainty, because of your energy sensitivity or an assessment test, then while you may say, “I am an introvert,” you say it because you know where you prefer to be on the behaving continuum.