Richard Bach, American writer and author of ‘Jonathan Livingston Seagull’, says this about soul mates, “A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be.”

First observation: The first thing that jumps out for me is that locks have a particular form to them. Imagine putting the wrong key in a lock going to the front door of your home? You wouldn’t get in would you? The older I get the more I realize life is about being who we are and not pretending. In particular, as an introvert, if you get caught up in trying to be someone you are not, like someone more extroverted, it won’t “fit your lock.” You, are your own best key.

Second observation: Then there is the issue of feeling safe. The safety blanket for me is a feeling of comfort, belonging and familiarity. Knowing that someone knows a bit about what makes you tick can be an immediate sense of connectedness without saying anything. And often times as an introvert I haven’t felt compelled to speak up because the overriding feeling of safety in being understood. It’s like when you are with family, as dysfunctional as one might be. Because we commune with family regularly it has a feeling of safety no matter where a conversation might meander off. Whether it’s a family blanket or an introvert blanket, I love feeling safe.

Third observation: But most important in Bach’s statement is that our truest selves step out. I’m not quite sure that this ever ends. I have personal memories when I tried to blend in with extroverting events. Corporate wife event where there was a good deal of chit chat that didn’t make it to far on my scale of meaningful conversation. The truth is, I was afraid as hell to just be me. That would have meant thinking before I added to the conversation or even saying good-bye before the conversation was over. It was pretense. Not only did the other corporate wives wonder about this “strange woman” but my authenticity was stifled leading to nothing good.

It’s because of knowing the introvert so well from my soul that I consider an introvert to be my soul mate.

What about you? How to you think of the term soul mate?

For me a take away is:

Introvert-itude©: Extroverts have their style and introverts have theirs. Plan and act on different marketing tactics that you are comfortable with allowing at least 90 days to measure results.

Marketing While Introverted by Laurie Neumann:

About fifteen years ago, my husband and I took a marriage class at our church and they had us take a Meyers-Briggs personality test. We talked about introverts and extroverts and the difference between them. We learned then, that 75% of the world is extroverted, leaving us introverts not only “feeling” like we are in the minority, but in reality, that’s where we are.

Being an introvert may make marketing your business seem like climbing a mountain with your ankles tied together. In other words, IMPOSSIBLE! In fact, your business may be suffering right now because you put off marketing, which, we all know, cannot be done if we want to succeed in our business.

So, how can you handle marketing your business if you have an introvert personality? The first thing you have to realize is that marketing is not a “one size fits all” kind of thing. There are many ways to market a business, and you need to find methods that you are comfortable with and that are effective.

Marketing your business can include anything from choosing an effective name for your business to writing articles to speaking to groups of people (with lots in between.) You need to determine what your strengths are and incorporate them into your marketing.

Having an introvert personality sometimes can make it difficult to get up in front of a group of people and speak. Other times, it gives you sweaty palms to talk one-on-one with someone new. You need to know who you are and what you can do comfortably, as these are the activities that will be effective for you. If you are extremely nervous when you get up to address a room full of people, you will most likely not come across confidently. And people buy from people that are confident in what they have to offer.

I was so relieved when I realized that I didn’t have to fit into the mold of standard marketing, as I thought it to be – being pushy or talking to everyone I meet about my business. I found there were ways to market that I actually enjoy! And I have discovered some things that have really boosted my business and sales. One of the most effective methods I use is done without ever leaving my computer!

What about you? Do you like marketing? If not, how can you change the strategies you use so that you will like it and find it effective? You owe it to your business!

Sign up for Laurie’s twelve week marketing course at http://www.christianhomebusinessconnection.com/home-business-marketing.html

The 75% of the population being extroverts are older statistics. The Center for Applications of Psychological Type (CAPT), MBTI researchers, most recent study in 1998 showed introverts are – 51% of the population. Today though, with the internet, introverts have a decided advantage because it’s more – our style!

What do you think about Laurie’s comments?

There’s no end to my energy, or my willingness to do what I can to further the positive image of introvert. Sometimes this can be dangerous and I realize that to tone things down would be in some people’s eyes, more like an introvert. So I continued the conversation mainly to find out what did he expect an introvert to sound like?

He said, well, introverts mumble and they are indecisive.

This is the perception some of us, as more introverted, are giving! I went on with our defense and hopefully some clarity.

Mumbling. I believe everyone mumbles at times. Often when I am networking, I might sit next to someone who moments earlier, was clearly more of an extrovert. You know the kind. They were talking on and on about – them, their company, their service. Talking without taking a breath. But now, in a low indistinct manner, they might be telling me something they don’t want everyone at the table to hear. How on earth, unless you don’t get out at all, can you make this leap of conclusion? What are we doing labeling people by things that many of us do under different situations?

Introvert-itude©: I speak confidently and assuredly when I know the person, am prepared and have an energy reserve.

Indecision. Oh come on! When does a thorough examination of a situation equate to indecision. It may be a slower decision making process than some but it’s not a – no decision. Depending on the situation, even my extreme extrovert husband, will have a slower decision making process. Over the years, I can think of examples in business, when he was deciding on the best approach for a presentation to a client. He would call the client, get some clues, talk with his staff, talk with me, and this could take days. Is that indecision? Hell no. It’s a slow, methodical process of deciding.

Introvert-itude©: As an introvert I tend toward rational, planned and careful decision-making. It’s a thoughtful approach that usually works.

Since we were out of time in this speed networking venue, those were the two identifiers that he and I bounced back and forth when I steam rolled his comment, “You don’t sound like an introvert!” I know he could have continued, and I could too, because, I hear things like this everyday from some people.

Are you an introvert?

Have you ever been told you – sound like an introvert?

Stop and think, what behavior gave this perception?

Can you really make the leap from that behavior to you are – an introvert? Or even an extrovert?

This year I am assured things are working securely. Until I hear otherwise about the contest’s integrity, here’s are some ways you can help introverts be known for the intelligent, thoughtful and good-friend people we are because — 2010 is your year.

Introvert-itude©: Being secure in who you are, self-confidence, can come as easily to introverts as extroverts.

1. Would you go to http://www.schoolofcoachingmastery.com/best-coaching-blogs-2010/ Hopefully, you’ll see my blog still at the top, Business Sales Coach for Introverts and Shy – Business and Life Tips for Introverts and Shy, by Patricia Weber. Would you give it a THUMBS UP?

2. If you are a follower of my blog or know me personally, would you leave a positive comment in the comments section? Those count for extra points. The comments round runs through June 7th.

Next is the competition round from June 8th to June 14th. This is the chance for a blog to make it into the semi-finals.

3. Do you have a blog? Because if you have interest, we could collaborate on a mutual blog post or interview. Can you leave me a comment below if this is the way you want to go?

Once the semi-finals starts, popular voting will be just for fun.

Okay; it’s just a contest. JUST a contest. But what if, just what if, we as introverts can raise our heads high as we raise our profile – we can make 2010 our year.

Won’t you help?

Come on – ♪♪♬♫ “Let’s give ‘em something to talk about!” I mean, what IF an introvert won a contest of any sort? Le’s get started with some introvert attitudes which I call, Introvert-itudes © :

When I was in Seattle visiting with my son and his family I noticed that at a very young age, my granddaughter is five, for whatever reason we take on an extrovert attitude. My best guess is it has something to do with how with think of playing. I love my granddaughter for many reasons, top most being that she lets me think back to a life of just playing.

When playing games of any kind with others, the energy flows outward. And when a grandma plays with her 5-year-old grandchild, the outward energy can go – all day long! I was caring for her for 24 hours while my son and daughter-in-law took a wonderfully deserved bed and breakfast break. On their return, they took her for a scooter walk to the lake. Still not deterred when they got back, “Let’s play grandma!” came from her mouth. My daughter-in-law piped in with her mom wisdom, “Everyone needs some quiet time Ruby, so let’s all find a place to get quiet by ourselves and rest.” Coming from an extrovert I was totally surprised; but coming from a mom of 5 with another baby on the way, that is one wise woman!

Introvert-itude © : An introvert usually prefers reflection to activity with others.

It’s really a matter of balance. It’s not that as introverts we don’t like activity, it’s a matter of the amount. For example, think of networking. Do you think you could network for 24 hours straight, only stopping to eat a light meal or two?

If you are an extreme extrovert, my mind reading says you might be jumping up and down in anticipation of such an event.

If you are an extreme introvert, my crystal ball says you don’t find any solid reason for networking.

But in between, most of us, introvert or extrovert, would likely admit we like that balance.

I will say, I do like playing! What do you think? What’s your preference?

I tend to be a Go-Giver. Online and in person I have this paper for no charge, this complimentary report and this free eBook excerpt. The role is to lead to inspire introverts who want to be more successful and happier in their life. Free makes for good marketing, good sense and helps people all at the same time. Do you get the idea? I’ve been this way since I started in sales many, many, many years ago. If there was something that would help a potential customer experience the value of a product or service, and marketing hadn’t thought about making it a gift in some way, then it was natural for me to suggest it. When I later was promoted to a sales manager, I tried my darndest to stay with that philosophy.

Online things are the same for the giver but a bit different on the takers side and this specific behavior really burns me up —

Someone signs up for a free report. Some offers require an opt-in to comply with spam law, others might not because of being launched before such a law. Then the person opts-in. Then no less than 60 seconds behind that, the same someone – opts-out.

Here’s what plays around in my introvert mind which has now reached the boil-over point:

1- Does anyone really believe they can solve their situation with a one-page pdf file?
2- Could they have really read that 32-page eBook excerpt in less than 60 seconds even if they took a speed-reading course?
3- If someone is interested enough to get a 9 page report, then why not read it first to decide the value of what is just preliminary information?
4- Knowing you have the right to opt-out at anytime, and giving the paper or report a thumbs up once you have read it, why not stay around to see what else promises to lie ahead?
5- Is someone subscribed to so many lists that while they find the information might be valuable they don’t want really want to go deeper to get to the nitty gritty?
6-Did the person really read it, and then decide they didn’t find it valuable? (I’d like to know this!)
7-Why do people do this?

“You cannot have a happy ending to an unhappy journey.” – Abraham

The action of request, opt-in and immediately opt-out speaks to an unhappy journey. And no doubt if the journey is in and out, it seems the ending would be unfulfilling as well. Is this kind of action one of distrust? Is it something else? Who knows except the taker.

I get upset with things like this, let them percolate, express it and then move on. What’s the real point in not expressing it? I’m on a mission and something is getting in my way. Would an extrovert take the risk of expressing this? Maybe; extroverts are sometimes quicker to let things like this go. For me, it’s actually more of sadness for the taker. I suppose that is why sales rejection (another topic) may not be so awful for me.

Sometimes as an introvert I might hold this kind of frustration in a bit longer than is really healthy. And that gives the American Psychiatric Association fuel for labeling, introversion as a mental disorder! (I’m laughing aloud about this weeks later!) Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

What do you think is the motive of someone behaving as I describe?

How do you respond when you are the giver and in a scenario like this?

Nancy Ancowitz’s, business communication coach and author of Self-Promotion for Introverts, blog post Are Introverts Nuts? unleashed a passionate side of me and I hope it will you as well, particularly if you tend toward being an introvert. It didn’t make me nuts because I’m not nuts. People call me many things but never nuts. Granted I was concerned so didn’t proof much, disregarded their due date for comments and emailed the APA:

Dear APA decision makers on the proposed definition of introversion:

You stated this on your website:

Definition: Withdrawal from other people, ranging from intimate relationships to the world at large; restricted affective experience and expression; limited hedonic capacity

Social withdrawal Preference for being alone to being with others; reticence in social situations; avoidance of social contacts and activity; lack of initiation of social contact 

Social detachment Indifference to or disinterest in local and worldly affairs; disinterest in social contacts and activity; interpersonal distance; having only impersonal relations and being taciturn with others (e.g., solely goal- or task-oriented interactions) 

Intimacy avoidance Disinterest in and avoidance of close relationships, interpersonal attachments, and intimate sexual relationships 

Restricted affectivity Lack of emotional experience and display; emotional reactions, when evident, are shallow and transitory; unemotional, even in normally emotionally arousing situations 

Anhedonia Lack of enjoyment from, engagement in, or energy for life’s experiences; deficit in the capacity to feel pleasure or take interest in things 

What on EARTH are you making introversion a mental disorder for? Have you read the same research I have read? Have you talked with noted authorities about introverts, including myself?

This from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/self-promotion-introverts/201004/are-introverts-nuts :

Laurie Helgoe, Ph.D. , clinical psychologist and author of Introvert Power about this: “If an introvert is clinically depressed,” she says, “that’s a problem.” She adds, “If an introvert is debilitated by anxiety , that is a problem. If an introvert suffers from a social phobia , that is a problem. But if an introvert is simply an introvert, please don’t render that person ill. We are talking half the population here!”

Your premise is going to strengthen the negative myths about introverts everywhere.

I’m attaching my eBook, some places which quote research. This is a product I sell so I know you will respect that when you read it and not distribute it at well.

We are NOT SOCIALLY withdrawn. We must take time to recharge and reenergize. We’re not anti-social we just don’t do it the same way extroverts do.

We are NOT SOCIALLY DETACHED. We are out in the world networking for business and life. We are hosting small, intimate dinner parties.

My goodness we are the ones who VALUE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS deeply. We take our relationships seriously.

We have DEPTH OF EMOTIONS.

We love LIFE.

Please do not set us back yet again with such a negative description which is in NO way true. Please do not undo the advances take my this group of people and more.

Revisit your definition.

Then I felt compelled to let them know there are dozens of us active in the world in the past few years strengthening the introvert image. Here is a list of some of us from a blog post I did in 2009:

1. Adam McHugh, Introverts in the Church , I did a thorough book review of it. Most of the book encourages the introvert to use their unique personality and gifts in any area of the church community. His first hand experiences; the detailed analysis of the introvert personality and his personal understandings honor and respect introverts everywhere.

2. Joanne Julius Hunold, blogs about Overwhelming Success for Solopreneurs, Wisdom and inspiration for the overwhelmed, frazzled-but-determined solo-entrepreneur (who just happens to be introverted).

3. Doris Helge, Ph.D., and I collaborated on two separate ebooks. Hers is Joy on the Job for Introverts & Shy People. She offers an accompanying free report, 11 Habits of Highly Confident Introverts & Previously Shy People!

4. R.L. LaFevers and Mary Hershey otherwise known as The Shrinking Violets, blog at http://shrinkingvioletpromotions.blogspot.com/ with a focus on marketing tips and survival strategies for introverts.

5. Wendy Gelberg, The Successful Introvert: How to Enhance Your Job Search and Advance Your Career. That about sums this one up.

6. Nancy Ancowitz, Author of Self-Promotion for Introverts : The Quiet Guide to Getting Ahead. Nancy Ancowitz is also an introvert and a business communication coach. Even though you can find an excerpt of her book, she does offer an amusing video.

7. Jennifer B. Kahnweiler, Ph.D., The Introverted Leader: Building on Your Quiet Strength. If you are thinking that because you are an introvert that you can’t be a leader, this one will change your mind forever.

8. Lee Ann Lambert, Living Introverted : Learning To Embrace The Quiet Life Without Guilt. This is a quick read, covers a broad amount of topics like the introvert at work, at home, as children, in marketing.

9. Christie has a blog at The Introvert Zone. I’m not sure why we don’t know her last name, unless it’s an extreme introversion part of her at work. The posts are always thoughtful and informative.

10. And the one I can tell you the most about is by Patricia Weber, yep that’s me, Debunking Negative Introvert Myths : Bringing Your Strengths to the Party! It’s a 92 page ebook, comes with lots of bonuses (who doesn’t like something else with their purchase and will help you let go of the introvert misconceptions by being just who you are. You can claim a 32 page excerpt of it now.

If you can, if you will, if you value your introversion, disagree with their definition or just want to weigh in on their proposal, visit the American Psychiatric Association and then email them: apa@psych.org or Tweet them, http://twitter.com/dsm5 your thoughts or opinion.

Will you do this for yourself? Will you do this for introverts everywhere?

But just who wants to tell the successful Dr. Misner that he suffers from, and I quote from the APA about their definition of introversion: “Anhedonia – Lack of enjoyment from, engagement in, or energy for life’s experiences; deficit in the capacity to feel pleasure or take interest in things.” Guess that creates a conundrum for BNI? LOL!

I know, I know. You hate it, you avoid it, you think you can’t do it so you don’t or won’t.

If that sounds like you, get ready to fall short of your career goals. Hear me out. I think the issue is that most people have a really skewed view of what networking is.

Networking is the building of mutually beneficial relationships that support our goals.

Notice that there is nothing in that definition about small talk with strangers, collecting business cards, or attending an event during which you consider sticking your fork in your eye so you can leave? I am actually talking about real relationships with people you know or people you meet in the course of your business.

Step back for a minute. What are your business goals? Your professional goals? How do you plan to accomplish those goals? If you’ve given little or no thought to any of those questions, you are overdue to step back and consider them.

Many highly accomplished professionals find themselves without a network when they need it most. It’s no secret that the market is volatile, making the career market volatile as well. You would be well served to actively cultivate a network before you need it. But networking is not just a job search strategy. Make that mistake at your own peril.

Want to move up in your organization? Build a reputation in your community? Re-configure your work life due to a change in your personal life? Thinking ahead to retirement? A job or career change? Given that we get things done through others, the relationships we build are clearly critical to reaching our goals.

Now I’m going to get really radical here and say that Introverts have the ability to be better networkers than extroverts. Yep. It’s true.

If you buy my definition, then you will also buy that we can’t build mutually beneficial relationships without LISTENING. And you know that introverts are better listeners. Extraverts are just waiting for you to shut up so they can talk again.

Your ability to build and maintain key relationships is critical- relationships inside your department, cross-functionally, with professionals in other organizations in similar roles, with recruiters, etc. To a great extent, you are the product. And in your relationships, you teach people who you are, what you do, what your organization does, what your goals are- and you learn theirs.

Networking is not an event. It’s a process of building for the long term. Networking isn’t about appearing, it’s about connecting. Even if you join lots of organizations, you may not have a network. It’s about what you DO and SAY when you are there. You must do more than pay your dues, show up, stick a name tag on your jacket, and eat lunch. You must make real connections. But when you do/are forced to attend events?

Tip: Ask a question! People love to talk about themselves. Say you see that someone is from the XYZ Company . Just ask ”What kinds of challenges are you facing at the XYZ Company? Or “What is your role at the XYZ Company?” You’re off and running!

Networking is not a card game. It isn’t accomplished by dealing out your business card to anyone who crosses your path. To make great connections, pour your energy into creating real relationships.

Tip: Before you exchange business cards, find a reason to do so- you found something in common, you started a conversation you want to finish, you have agreed to get in contact for a specific reason. That way, you can avoid the feeling of having to hand out cards.

Networking is not manipulative. It’s not about getting other people to help you. If you try to control what somebody else does for you, it’s hard to feel good about networking. There are two sides to networking. The biggest mistake people make about networking is to think it’s about getting. It’s not about getting; it’s about giving. Give generously. By giving, most people will try to return the favor- and give back to you in some way. That’s human nature. So, if you feel like you’re giving more than you’re getting, you are networking the right way.

Tip: Listen for opportunities to help someone else. Are they dealing with a challenge that you have some experience with? Give them some ideas. Did they mention that they are dealing with choosing a college with their teen, and you have just gone through it? Offer them your lessons learned.

Above all, networking is about connecting. Be an effective networker- a great connector who teaches people who he is, creates long-term business relationships, and focuses on giving, not getting. You’ll be amazed at the results.

And I’m betting that is an approach even introverts can rock at!

What do you think? Does it make sense to you?

What tips will you act on?

What tips do you have to add?

Julie believes that we all deserve to “be career happy.” Visit her at www.congruitycareer.com Or email her at julie@congruitycareer.com

Level of Integrity Equals Level of Trust Determines Level of Collaboration

Being an entrepreneur is difficult. You are always selling and marketing plus actually delivering products or services. When you are a team of one, these challenges truly escalate because you cannot be in two places at once.

One of the most viable solutions to increase sales and expand your business presence is through collaboration with another person or persons. These collaborations are called strategic partnerships or joint ventures.

Having engaged in several collaborations during the last 10 years and turning down at least three times that, I can share the most important aspect of any engagement is the level of integrity. Simply speaking, do you and the other person or persons share the same high level of ethics and trust each other?

If you are considering a collaboration to improve your business results, here are some questions to ask yourself:

Is everyone investing approximately the same amount of time into the endeavor?

Is everyone reaping the same percentage of monetary reward?

Is everyone willing to be open specific to opportunities and sharing those opportunities with each other?

Is everyone committed to this relationship?

If you cannot answer yes to each of these questions, then the level of trust is weak and this will weaken the collaboration.

The benefits of a great collaboration include:

-Tag team networking events to speaking engagements
-Leverage off each other’s strengths
-Be larger than just one person

Collaboration is a great way to increase sales provided you share the same high levels of integrity and trust.

Wow! Thank you Leanne Hoagland-Smith. For my introvert side so much of this rings true.

The questions are excellent and the answers will be invaluable with whom ever I consider partnering with. It’s possible even asking some form of them might be useful in the exploratory discussions with the person being considered for the joint venture.

The questions and the answers could be a an ideal to benchmark for the relationship if you choose. As Rabbi Harold S. Kushner says in one of his books, like in a marriage, you might find there are actually four people in the relationship: 1) the husband, 2) the wife, 3) the husband the wife thought she married and 4) the wife the husband thought he married. In collaborating, whether a joint venture, an affiliate program, cross-promotion, you want to learn ways to stay in integrity for stronger trust. You want to know the people you are in a joint venture relationship with maybe even better than you know your husband or wife.

Are you an introvert or extrovert and how do these questions resonate with you?

As an introvert, how do you like the depth of the questions?

And if you want more of a collaboration discussion, or maybe you are ready for a joint venture experience, sign up now and receive the webinar recording, Joint Venture Matchmaking. Monique and I are pretty excited about helping you build your entrepreneurial empire.

“It’s not often that motivational speakers take the time to customize their program to address specific needs of their client.” We introverts like to plan out important tasks. If you are asked to speak pro bono or paid for your work, it is critical to understand your audience. Taking the time to talk with and even survey the meeting planner and even just a handful of attendees will satisfy anyone with analytical tendencies, and leave the audience wanting more.

“Hats off to you for capturing and keeping everyone’s attention regardless of it being a Saturday morning combined with potential daydreaming of golf and beach going.” More introverts like meaningful conversation than idle chitchat. Whether you speak for marketing or your marketing attracted you a paid event, clients appreciate it when you keep your content relevant. I think because of our natural desire to go deep and wide about topics we have a natural advantage of keeping the listeners focused.

“I thought we would need a cane to get the participant volunteers off of the stage – you created such a fun exercise.” We’re often more comfortable being an observer than a participant. While I can ham it up to the degree of any one on the platform, speaking in public is an incredible energy drain. To balance energy, consider experiential activities in your agenda if at all possible. This allows you to facilitate. Then if you can tune into your already highly tuned intuition, give yourself permission to observe the audience and bring further insight into your program.

“Your content was key. By getting people to focus on how they interact, you got them thinking more about their personal behavior and how to get more cooperation through diplomacy.” We have a natural tendency to focus. Since we work best being focused, when we are on the platform we’re going to naturally keep the audience focused and on track.

Audiences come to listen to the message and you. If you are true to yourself – take time to plan, stick to the key points, get others involved to give yourself some downtime and stay focused – people are going swear, “You’re no introvert!” Why? Because when we relax into our strengths instead of trying for force that extrovert side of us to take over, the real us comes through in the most positive of ways.

Thank you Connie Ragen Green for asking this question which otherwise, I might now take for granted.

More to come. But, how helpful was this?