Comments on: Introvert Myth – Are Introverts Aloof or Something Better?

By: Pat

Pat — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 20:09:26 +0000

InTandem, it seemed like the right time. Two things I’m passionate about are busting these introvert myths and busting the way people network – or NOT!

Thanks so much for adding your way of dealing with the aloof myth – almost a meme isn’t it? I mean all the myths have perpetuated that now even some introverts believe them.

By: InTandem

InTandem — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 19:57:27 +0000

Pat,

Bless you for addressing all these introvert myths. When I tell people that I coach introverts, I often get comments that imply that introverts “need to change who they are” which as you know is not only impossible, it’s unnecessary. I then have to go into education mode. So we introverts need all the help we can get busting these myths!

As for appearing aloof; here is what I do: when listening (which is what I prefer to do anyway) I make sure my body language shows I am listening and interested. Just little things like nodding my head occasionally. I am also a big fan of explaining what I am doing, such as “I’m listening, please tell me more” or my favorite phrase “let me think about that and get back to you.” Verbalizing what is going on with me is usually all I need to avoid any misunderstandings.

By: Pat

Pat — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 14:18:03 +0000

Bonnie, you are always so helpful with bringing in the extrovert wisdom: “check in with people and ask what’s going on rather than mind-read and project our imaginings. That’s the best way to avoid misunderstanding and hurt feelings.”

Jim, the bias has become a meme or myth and too MANY people jump to conclusions about the outward perception.

IntrovertZone, that is a great reminder: “keep an open, friendly look on my face and maintain appropriate eye contact.” And guess WHO can maintain better eye contact naturally?

By: Introvert mythbusters « Never Too Late

Introvert mythbusters « Never Too Late — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 12:23:59 +0000

[...] 30 07 2009 Here are two great posts busting some myths about introverts. We’re not distant, or aloof, or weird. Maybe a little [...]

By: IntrovertZone

IntrovertZone — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 02:38:20 +0000

Even if it’s taking me a minute to process what someone is saying and formulate how I want to respond, I try to keep an open, friendly look on my face and maintain appropriate eye contact. I can manage very well if I’m just talking to one extrovert. Now if I’m in a group with two or more, I may not get a word in edgewise, but I hope they realize that the reason for that is NOT my being aloof!

By: Jim

Jim — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 23:30:48 +0000

There is a built in bias and that is many time because we cannot see what is going on inside another’s head. We all jump to conclusions too soon and fill in gaps.
Pat you make a good point that taking time to reflect before answering in not aloof.

Jim

By: Bonnie Dubrow

Bonnie Dubrow — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 20:36:19 +0000

Pat, your wisdom about introverts is right on. I always benefit from reading your blogs for a few reasons:

I’m an extrovert, and so can forget that not everyone’s like me. When I’m in conversation with someone, especially when I’m excited about the topic, I tend to talk louder and faster. I need to remember that without intending to do so, I can break rapport with more shy and introverted people.

I can also easily forget that they may take longer to reply and their response may come slower paced. Remembering this is a difference in personality and style, not an indication in interest or level of passion, is important.

And to you who are more introverted than me, please remember, I’m prone to sudden bursts of enthusiasm. This doesn’t mean that I want to dominate the conversation, that I don’t care about what you have to say, or that I’m egocentric. I just plain get excited.

So bottom line, we need to check in with people and ask what’s going on rather than mind-read and project our imaginings. That’s the best way to avoid misunderstanding and hurt feelings.

The Energizer Bonnie